Talking to kids about pornography has vexed parents for generations. It's even harder today — the Internet gives kids access to a whole lot more than a Playboy magazine under the bed ever did. There are thousands of websites, many with video, and even more with scams and malware that can damage your computer.
How and when to have that conversation remains a conundrum for many parents, already trying to navigate how to raise kids in the digital age.
When he found out his 13-year-old son had been surfing porn sites, one dad chose to handle it in a rather unique way. He wrote a note to his son, left it on his computer and then posted the contents of his note on Reddit, with the question, "I found porn on my son's internet broswer (sp). Did I go about his correctly?"
The father says he was actually removing a virus from the computer when he found the porn history. His son is shy and not one for talking, so he wrote the note instead, the dad adds. "He get embarrassed super easily so I don't wanna make it too hard on him. I typed this up and left it on his computer," he wrote.
What's so striking about this is the fact many parents have no idea what to say in this situation. Some options include: talking to their kids in person, asking their spouse to do it or just pretending it never happened.
This particular father seemed to know his son well, and didn't want to make the situation worse. "I want to start out by saying that I love ya and I'm not trying to embarrass you." He went on to explain how he came across the search history while cleaning the computer, and let him know the porn sites caused the scamware and viruses.
The dad also tried to relate to his son, saying he was once a teenager, too. "Listen, I won't tell your mom and I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. In fact I'm not gonna make any size deal out of it. If you don't wanna talk about it that's fine and I completely understand."
Many people would argue there's no difference between finding porn on your kid's computer and finding Playboy magazines under the bed pre-Internet. But there is — and that's the part that some parents struggle to understand.
Online porn is so much than just a photograph of a large-breasted naked woman. The concerns are not just about teenage boys. Rebecca Levey, a New York City mom and co-founder of KidzVuz says porn is now just a click away. "You can have all the controls in the world, but it's out there." Stories like the one on Reddit make Levey realize she needs to have that talk with her pre-teen girls preemptively, she says.
"It's so different with girls; it's not the same conversation," she tells Mashable. But what's online is so horrific, and so violent, she worries. "It's important to tell them if you stumble upon something you don't understand, come ask."
Some Reddit readers point out that kids need to be told — even though they may see sex and nudity in movies and online videos — that porn is not real life. One responded by reminding the dad to inject a little reality check.
Most women do not look like the women in the videos, the reader points out. "Porn is not a great representation of how sex actually is between two people."
It looks like the dad took some of the commenters' advice, adding this update to the end of his post: "UPDATE: After he went in his room, he came right out and talked to me. Although it didn't last for more than five minutes, I think it was productive. He thanked me for not getting mad or telling mom. I also talked to him about porn not being like real life and that women aren't objects like they are portrayed in porn. I gave him the option to ask questions, but he says he didnt have any right now."
He also let his son know porn sites can be harmful to computers, downloading potential malware and viruses.
If this has gotten you thinking about how and when to have "the conversation" with your kids, or what you would do in this situation, here are some suggestions to consider:
- Tell them you are aware that they have have been looking at some websites that may be confusing and disturbing.
- Educate them about online predators, and say that teens are targeted by predators, who "groom" them by appealing to their interest in and curiosity about romance, sex and risk-taking.
- Tell them that just as you have rules about unsafe places in the real world, you have similar rules about the virtual world.
Have you had a conversation with your kids yet? Let us know how it went. What suggestions do you have for talking to kids about online porn?
Image courtesy of Si1very
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