Rebecca Levey is a co-founder of KidzVuz.com, a video review site by and for tweens. She writes about technology and education at Beccarama and is a White House Champion of Change for Education. Follow her at @beccasara.
Last week someone called my ten year-old daughter a bitch, to her face, sort of. She wasn't in the halls at school or in the playground; she was in the hottest destination around, where fake ID wasn't necessary and her bright pink hair was all the rage. She was on WeeWorld.com, one of many virtual worlds where kids create avatars and engage in social activity with "friends."
This is not the first time my daughter has come up against nasty behavior online. At ten years old both of my daughters have been actively participating in virtual worlds meant for kids for the past 4 years. They started on Webkinz and Club Penguin, then progressed to Moshi Monsters, Bearvilleand Fantage. They tend to bop between worlds, forgetting one for a while and then returning months later to rediscover the old and familiar while taking in the new. They have different friend lists –- some populated with real life friends –- and take their possessions and self-built environments very seriously. They have spent hours over the years decorating their virtual spaces, trading goods, earning and changing outfits, and caring for pets. These are not games for them, but in many ways an extension of their identities. And it's just as fluid and evolving as their real world childhood identities.
With this synergy between the virtual and real comes the same hazards of insecurity, frustration and just plain mean behavior. And, I will admit, the first time my daughter cried because someone called her igloo on Club Penguin "lame" I was annoyed with her. After all, this was a pretend world and to me it seemed silly and inconsequential. I soon realized that for my daughters this was another play space, and in some ways they were more vested in it emotionally because unlike in real life, they had total freedom and control over what they did, where they went, how they dressed, how they decorated and with whom they were friends. These worlds are truly THEIR worlds –- and the good news is that the lessons learned online can, and should, be applied in the real world.
Nancy Friedman of Fromhiptohousewife.com, recently wrote about her 12-year-old daughter's encounter with an older "man" at a site not approved for kids under 13, but according to her daughter, where all her friends were hanging out.
"Here's a news flash: your child is most likely going to online places he or she shouldn't. Like my daughter. She ended up as a scantily clad avatar dancing with a virtual man in leather pants in a virtual club in a virtual world. Only when her virtual dance partner asked her to remove her virtual top (an action, by the way, the site does not allow) did she tell me where she had been. Why did she tell me? Because she was freaked out and afraid. But also because I've made it OK for her to tell me about her online activities."
This illustrates the most important lesson for parents about their children's virtual life –- don't assume that because these situations happen in 2D candy colored worlds created out of code that they don't have the same implications for a child's social maturation and emotional health. Instead, it's important to treat the virtual world play as an opportunity to discuss and hash out issues that can easily translate into their real life.
After my daughter's run in with that nasty girl on WeeWorld we discussed how she reacted – she walked away and blocked the girl from her friend list. We then talked about how she'd handle it in real life, and she thought she'd tell an adult and avoid the girl. I don't know if that would actually work in middle school reality – but at least she thinks she has a plan.
Here are 10 tips for parents with kids venturing into the online space:
1) Have the talk: There are key points that can never be repeated too often to kids –- and adults!
2) Do not give out your password, even to your best friend, ever.
3) Do not use your real name when creating a screen name or avatar.
4) Do not give out your address, school name or other personal information — ever. And report any user who asks you for those things.
5) NEVER agree to meet someone in person that you met online.
6) Recognize that even the virtual worlds aimed at the younger users such as Webkinz and Club Penguin are rich, dynamic social environments. Set up your own account and friend your child, visit their "home," become a positive part of their world.
7) Read the Terms of Service and Privacy Policies. I know no one ever does this, but it's important for you to understand the data a company is collecting about your child.
8) Make sure any site your under-13 child participates on is COPPA (the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act) compliant. This is the law that describes what a company can and cannot collect with or without parental consent. Yes, there is actually a law behind the reason that Facebook and Google don't allow kids under 13.
9) Think twice before allowing open or random chat functionality in the online world. Many sites have levels of engagement for users, and the freedom to chat in forums or throughout the world is the biggest area of concern in terms of engaging with strangers and giving out personal information. Even though the most prominent and established sites have site moderators, the volume of chat makes it very difficult for them to police in real time. Do not assume that your child is mature enough to handle chatting in this way.
10) Lastly, do not judge. Respect the care and time your child has put into building their online identity. Be open to teachable moments that arise from participating in these worlds, moderate their time online, and above all don't stop parenting just because there's a screen involved.
Has your child had virtual world experiences that surprised you? Let us know how you handle their online life and any advice you have for parents navigating this new frontier.
This post is part of a series on the dilemmas of raising digital kids. We'd like to hear some of the parenting issues technology has raised for you. Please let us know in the comments, or on our Mashable Lifestyle Facebook page. You can also follow and tweet us @mashlifestyle.
Image courtesy of Flickr, Sheepie Meili
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