If watching the blue and red map on TV for hours is making you feel like the nation is cracking apart, try following the presidential election on Twitter — it'll have you cracking up.
Twitter comedians have been practicing for months. They've had three debates to warm up and test material and tonight is their night.
It could be hours until we know who will be president of the U.S., but Twitter users have been raining droll zingers all night. Here's a recap of the ridiculousness thus far.
Let's start at the intersection of elections, video games and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air:
On your ballot, enter OBAMA-OBAMA-ROMNEY-ROMNEY-DOWN-DOWN-PAUL RYAN-START-SELECT to vote for the secret Will Smith / DJ Jazzy Jeff ticket.
— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) November 6, 2012
If video games aren't your taste, perhaps you prefer a good drinking game:
Election Night Drinking Game: If Romney wins drink nonstop for next four years.
— Susan Gonzalez (@paperpolarbear) November 6, 2012
Sometimes admitting you missed an opportunity for a gut-busting lampoon is just as funny. Projections show that Linda McMahon, wife of WWE CEO Vince McMahon, will lose her second consecutive bid for a Connecticut Senate seat.
Disappointed that I forgot to spend my day cooking up Linda McMahon/WWE jokes. Sigh.
— Karlee Weinmann (@karleeweinmann) November 7, 2012
This guy might have his meal situation figured out, but he better find a phone charger soon:
MY PRESIDENTIAL MEALS twitter.com/IAmTHEHarper2/…
— Brownskin Jesus (@IAmTHEHarper2) November 7, 2012
This probably didn't actually happen:
"I demand a recount." – Paul Ryan counting his abs in the mirror over his bed
— iamnotdiddy™ (@iamnotdiddy) November 7, 2012
Let's see what the dynamic duo of political satire has been saying about Election Day:
Obama: high marks for Sandy, but no pleasing some people – today Kanye with cast of Jersey Shore: "Obama doesn't care about orange people"
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) November 6, 2012
Make sure you get out there and VOTE today! Then enjoy your orange juice and cookie… wait! Did I just give blood by mistake?
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) November 6, 2012
CNN's Wolf Blitzer, as has become custom, has been on the receiving end of some tomfoolery.
If you close your eyes and imagine a guy named WOLF BLITZER, the last thing you'd ever imagine is the real Wolf Blitzer.
— Dave Lozo (@DaveLozo) November 7, 2012
Just as Wolf Blitzer finally blitzes the last wolf, he receives an urgent text. "U R A WOLF 2?. His pained howl shakes the very heavens…
— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) November 7, 2012
Ah, the beloved election night ritual of watching Wolf Blitzer get utterly startled every time an actual number comes in
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) November 7, 2012
The Onion is in the business of satirical fake news. Here's one of their witticisms for you existentialists:
BREAKING: Latest polls show overwhelming infinity of possibilities, showing us all how small we really are onion.com/SLD7x0
— Onion Politics (@OnionPolitics) November 7, 2012
Speaking of feeling small:
It's really cute that Wyoming has three electoral votes : D
— VANITY FAIR (@VanityFair) November 7, 2012
Be sure to check back. This post will be updated throughout the night with more political comedy on Twitter.
Update:
It's 11:11 p.m. the east coast and they are calling the election for President Obama. There is still one important race that is going down to the wire — the race for the funniest tweet of the night. Some dark horse candidates have been popping up in the past few hours.
The following tweet was approved by Ozzy Osbourne:
In Massachusetts I got to vote in favor of suicide and marijuana. The ballot was like the track list of a Black Sabbath album.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 7, 2012
If you think the political scene in the U.S. is cut-throat, you would be shocked at what goes on in Westeros:
@gameofthrones I just voted and it took all my willpower not to write in Daenerys Targaryen! Rule with fire and blood! #WesterosElections
— Alex Meirick (@alexmeirick15) November 7, 2012
Here's another fantasy literature nerd getting tweet on. For some reason this progression seems to make sense:
CNN says Obama wins New Hampshire.
— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) November 7, 2012
Hobbit News Network projects: Obama wins The Shire.
— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) November 7, 2012
Obama's stance on equal pay for shorter creatures considered crucial in his victory in The Shire.
— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) November 7, 2012
If you know anything about Twitter, it should come as no surprise that Todd Akin was a target for some snarkasm.
.@toddakin I'm not a seasoned political analyst, but I'm pretty sure it was the "rape" thing.
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) November 7, 2012
Really, really bad night for candidates who think rape is ok.
— Ryan J. Davis (@RyanNewYork) November 7, 2012
That's it for tonight folks. Check back again in 2016 for more.
BONUS: 15 Funny 'Moving to Canada' Tweets for Election Night
Way to call a bluff. You must be a good poker player.
Absolute genius. We should have come up with this one long ago.
Is that like when you move to Quebec, and then immediately relocate to Saskatchewan?
Does that mean if the wrong, wrong person wins you'll stay? And what if Gary Johnson wins?
Feel the burn.
At least they don't have Obamacare, right?
Be sure to post a lot of pictures on Instagram!
He'll be happy to have you.
Fair enough.
Apparently you'll have a lot of company. Godspeed!
This sounds like it could lead to a spinoff story: "Tech CEO Takes Post-Election Holiday in Canada."
That's funny because I heard the next election for Prime Minister of Canada is supposed to be Bieber vs. Gaga.
Doubtful.
And for the billionth time, Will McAvoy proves that he's smarter than the rest of us. Maybe one day we'll catch up if we watch enough News Night 2.0.
Cue "America the Beautiful."
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario