Is a Need to Please Hurting Your Business?

This post originally appeared on the American Express OPEN Forum, where Mashable regularly contributes articles about leveraging social media and technology in small business.

When it comes to business, there's a thin line between "people pleasing" and good customer service. And these days, in crowded and competitive markets, anything less than a customer-obsessed strategy (as coined by Forrester Research) simply won't do.

That drive to wow customers, clients, bosses, and colleagues can set you apart from the rest. But can a relentless need to please actually be hurting your business and career?

It's not an easy question, but let's start with something simple: pizza. Think about it. When a group orders pizza, what role do you play in the process? Do you voice your topping preferences or sit back and think to yourself, "No problem, I can just take off those olives…." Do you give your opinion equal weight or do you politely defer to the group?

If you're wondering what the group dynamics surrounding a pizza order have to do with running your business, consider the following scenarios:

Do you feel in charge of your business or are your clients running the show?

Do you ever take on troublesome clients even though your intuition is warning you of all the red flags ahead?

Do you let your colleagues encroach on your time, even if you're stressed by a tight deadline?

Do you ever take on the grunt work or the least favorite task, rather than delegating it?

Do you ever hesitate calling a prospective client or other network connection because you don't want to bother anyone?

Any of these scenarios signal a 'need to please.' And people with this tendency often overextend themselves in the workplace and bend over backwards for others. But it's hard to achieve your own goals when you're constantly focused on trying to make everyone else in the room happy.

Let's consider the underlying feelings behind the action. Is stress or generosity motivating your behavior? For example, imagine a valued client asks for some small pro bono work for his or her spouse's non-profit organization. If you agree to help out, but are silently harboring negative feelings, chances are you were just trying to please. But if you feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose about the work, it was probably an act of kindness.

Understanding the stress/generosity distinction is key, as people pleasing is generally less about pleasing and more about fending off the rejection and disappointment of others.

By that token, you need to realize that people pleasing isn't necessarily the same thing as being nice. Niceness and kindness are wonderful traits, and ones that we need more of in the world and business today. However, it is possible to be nice while also expressing your own needs. Standing up for yourself doesn't make you unkind or self-centered; it just gives you equal footing with everyone else.

The need to please is linked to lower wages and poorer negotiation skills. And while people pleasing is often discussed in the context of women in the workplace, I believe the trait affects both sexes. In addition, continually working on someone else's terms may lead to frustration and dissatisfaction. These feelings can ultimately ripple through to relationships with customers and clients. As a consequence, always being nice can actually yield poorer customer service in the long run.

If any of the scenarios discussed above sound familiar, it's time to break the pleasing cycle and begin working or running your business on your own terms. While truly understanding what compels you to please may be more complex than the bounds of this post, here are a couple of tips toward breaking the pattern:

• Recognize the difference between being generous (i.e. wanting to help a customer, colleague, employee or boss) and wanting to avoid conflict and disappointing others.
• Actively manage people's expectations. You can still say yes to everything, but frame it in terms of what's realistic for you whether that's needing more time, money, or resources.
• Be brief and meaningful when communicating (especially when delegating or responding to a request). People pleasers often need to share everything and anticipate other's reactions when discussing plans. Staying brief exudes confidence.
• Take baby steps. You've had a lifetime to perfect this behavior; don't expect to change it overnight. Something as small as voicing your own thoughts on pizza toppings can be a very empowering and liberating experience.

Most importantly, still be generous and kind particularly toward customers and clients. You can't get anywhere without being customer-obsessed these days. But be nice for the right reasons. And give your own opinions and needs equal weight as everyone else. After all, your business, your customers, and you are all worth it.

Image courtesy of iStockphoto/Lafolr Photography